confrontation point

Excerpt from my January newsletter:

So I thought my January news would entail how I conquered a mountain and thought it would be filled with much bravado and boasting.. instead I have been humbled and quieted by the whole experience, almost dragging my head in shame, admitting to my frailty.

Over New Years my dad, me, my brother-in-law, with some friends, embarked on a 5-day hike (“hike” feels too tame a word for what we did!) in the Drakensberg mountains. It was officially the most physically, mentally and emotionally challenging thing I have ever done! Physically tough because of the nature of the route we ended up taking, mentally tough because I had to mentally force each step, and emotionally tough because I was continually fighting back the urge to either cry or throw up; though I did manage to avoid both.. until I got home to my mom and burst into tears. And I can honestly say the BEST feeling in the WORLD was to be able to snuggle up to my mom and have her hug and comfort me and give me muthi (medicine) but mostly a bunch of TLC. The morning after the hike I had woken up with a fever, with my whole body swollen to the point where my eyes were just slits and my lip swollen to where it looked like I was going to attempt to mop the floors with it. Turns out I had some altitude sickness and I’m just going to add heat stroke and fatigue syndrome just because I feel I need to motivate my condition a little more :) And yes, they’re all the things that sound like a bunch of excuses!

The humbling and quietening part; well as I said I had expected to come back with a ‘more than conquerers’ attitude having just dominated a mountain but instead I DEFINITELY came back having had a mountain dominate me on all levels! I hit an absolute low on this hike where I was actually embarrassed at how poorly I was coping. My self-talk, my ‘vasbyt’ ability was at an all-time low, I really felt like I had reached my physical limitations and instead of thriving under the pressure I crumbled. BUT, I had enough pride in me still to not let it show to anyone but my dad. He was a legend! I wouldn’t have been able to have done it without him. That and the perpetually hilarious comments made by my friend Elsa in moments where you thought you just couldn’t take it anymore, but somehow she would get us giggling and everything just felt a whole lot better.

I know this might seem like a bit of a strange thing to write about, but now that a week has past, (and time really does heal in this regard!), I actually find the whole experience quite fascinating and quite revealing and processing the experience has lead to some interesting learning. They say when it comes to it, it is times like these when you learn what you’re really made of, and although I feel I horribly failed, and I wasn’t made of very much, it really revealed to me areas that I’m excited about focusing on and growing.

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madrap bliss: simple things that make me happy

racing crabs on the beach

cloud shape spotting

blowing dandylions

madrap wisdom #14: 2012 new year's resolutions

things you shouldn’t stop being just because you’re grown up:
Being honest; as children are honest, with themselves and with those around us, saying it for how it is.
Being silly; just because you’re all grown-up doesn’t mean you must stop the child in you
Being small; appreciating the small joys of life such as blowing a dandelion, playing thumb way
Being stubborn; setting your mind on what you want and not stopping till you get it!
Being simple; when you’re little like is simple and uncomplicated – keep it that way, don’t clutter your life with things that are unnecessary.

LX October Newsletter

Open publication - Free publishing - More discipleship

madrap bliss: simple things that make me happy

blowing bubbles, including bubbles in the bath

jumping in big rain puddles (only when in warm Zululand rain)

a perfect cup of tea made by a friend

so fast

Do you also find yourself saying, “life is going by so fast, I wish I could slow it down!”? Finding yourself in life’s rat race where days, weeks, months or even years might pass by before we take the time to raise our heads above the scrum and evaluate where we are now and where we’re going.

In the two weeks just past I decided to eliminate all that stuff that was causing me to rush through life and be ‘bogged down’. I went on one big fast! I fasted from food (even tea!), sport, social events and I traded it with reading, walking and praying. Being the first time having ever done something like this I had no idea what to expect, all I had was the certainty to do it. Initially I tried keeping it private because I found it to be an incredibly personal journey that I was on, but I soon found out that not eating, playing sport or socialising starts raising some eyebrows. So the private idea changed and the few times I shared a little more elaborately on what I was doing I felt inclined to write about it too.

I found the whole experience to be quite profound! My primary purpose was to simplify and focus. I never expected one of the most powerful lessons of the battle of wills within myself. When temptation to break my fast crept in, like when there was a little bite sized cookie left on the table that no-one would notice if I nicked it, or at home when I had some yummy food stashed in my fridge, it became a glorious battle! I had a dialogue that went something like this, “what would it matter, no-one will really notice, no-one would really care, what difference would it make to eat or not to eat; and then came the counter. . but wait, remember why have I decided to do this, what do I want to see happen here, what do I want these days to look like when I reflect on them afterwards?” And often, quite suddenly, the temptation would dissipate completely. And through this self-talk cycle I created a habit of resisting temptation and keeping my eyes on the target, the end goal, and maintaining a strong focus on how I want it to look when I get there. It was amazing to see how my actions would fall in line with my vision when my vision became clear.

I was asked if I had found, reached or got to what I was hoping to see come out of these two weeks? Because, to be honest it would have been great to be able to say I had some big life revelations, or epiphanies, but I didn’t. Cos don’t we all wish we could just have it all figured out! What I do have now is a clearer vision, a healthier set of priorities, a knowledge and habit that my self-control can be stronger than my selfish will and I have a greater sense of peace that I haven’t had in many years.

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