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Sunday, February 26, 2012

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

confrontation point

Excerpt from my January newsletter:
So I thought my January news would entail how I conquered a mountain and thought it would be filled with much bravado and boasting.. instead I have been humbled and quieted by the whole experience, almost dragging my head in shame, admitting to my frailty.

Over New Years my dad, me, my brother-in-law, with some friends, embarked on a 5-day hike (“hike” feels too tame a word for what we did!) in the Drakensberg mountains. It was officially the most physically, mentally and emotionally challenging thing I have ever done! Physically tough because of the nature of the route we ended up taking, mentally tough because I had to mentally force each step, and emotionally tough because I was continually fighting back the urge to either cry or throw up; though I did manage to avoid both.. until I got home to my mom and burst into tears. And I can honestly say the BEST feeling in the WORLD was to be able to snuggle up to my mom and have her hug and comfort me and give me muthi (medicine) but mostly a bunch of TLC. The morning after the hike I had woken up with a fever, with my whole body swollen to the point where my eyes were just slits and my lip swollen to where it looked like I was going to attempt to mop the floors with it. Turns out I had some altitude sickness and I’m just going to add heat stroke and fatigue syndrome just because I feel I need to motivate my condition a little more :) And yes, they’re all the things that sound like a bunch of excuses!

The humbling and quietening part; well as I said I had expected to come back with a ‘more than conquerers’ attitude having just dominated a mountain but instead I DEFINITELY came back having had a mountain dominate me on all levels! I hit an absolute low on this hike where I was actually embarrassed at how poorly I was coping. My self-talk, my ‘vasbyt’ ability was at an all-time low, I really felt like I had reached my physical limitations and instead of thriving under the pressure I crumbled. BUT, I had enough pride in me still to not let it show to anyone but my dad. He was a legend! I wouldn’t have been able to have done it without him. That and the perpetually hilarious comments made by my friend Elsa in moments where you thought you just couldn’t take it anymore, but somehow she would get us giggling and everything just felt a whole lot better.

I know this might seem like a bit of a strange thing to write about, but now that a week has past, (and time really does heal in this regard!), I actually find the whole experience quite fascinating and quite revealing and processing the experience has lead to some interesting learning. They say when it comes to it, it is times like these when you learn what you’re really made of, and although I feel I horribly failed, and I wasn’t made of very much, it really revealed to me areas that I’m excited about focusing on and growing.

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Tuesday, February 7, 2012